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It was a day like any other…yet I knew it would prove to be magical before the night was over. You were almost offended I hadn’t let you kiss me yet; making jokes and smart comments about how I’d never kiss you…reminding me how I’d given you my cheek your first attempt, (how dare I not kiss such a handsome man?!). Well, I knew exactly what I was doing, or at least thought I did, and I couldn’t help but find humor in you being so bent out of shape about it. I didn’t know why, but I felt we needed to wait until the  right perfect moment..I wanted it to be special, because I knew that you were different, and a kiss wasn’t just a kiss. You were awful persistent, and although you weren’t a morning person (and still aren’t), you had invited me to meet you for an early coffee before I had to go to work. We went to the White Hart, a place that was quickly becoming a popular place for us to rendezvous, and I remember you were barely awake. It was the cutest thing, and if I recall correctly, you didn’t even get yourself a cup of coffee, just me (you planned to go back to sleep after escorting me to work, how sweet). It was a short date, but I loved every minute of it; your sleepy eyes and close-to-grumpy-demeanor were so endearing, and I found myself in those days loving the time I spent with you more and more. Funny, because here we are a year later, and I still love every second I spend with you.

Before our coffee date ended, we planned to see each other later that evening. I evaded your kiss once again before departing, and left you standing outside so I could go to work. Oh, the torment. I recall you texted me during my shift, acting all bruised and disgruntled that I’d once again thwarted your lip-locking plan. I myself had a plan, and your huffy, yet adorable attempts at guilting me just weren’t going to work. It was very difficult to not kiss you though, believe me, I liked you so much, and our rain date had proved that we had immense chemistry and attraction. I was simply waiting for the moment, and I believe subconsciously, you were too.

At work I thought of nothing but you, all through the ins and outs of my day, between conversations with coworkers and customers..you were the only thing I could focus on. Suddenly, I knew I was going to kiss you that night, I could somehow feel it. You had proven to be a gentleman, and I couldn’t help the feelings that were growing for you inside of me. I didn’t know when or how exactly it would happen, the kiss, but I knew it would.

We texted through the day, and I let you know when I was close to getting off of work. I had to go home and get ready for our date; I wore capri jeans, and a black floral blouse with cut off sleeves that was almost see-through (not quite), but very classy and simple, and blue and white Keds. I didn’t wear a drop of makeup other than lip gloss, but with my sun kissed skin and slightly rosy cheeks, I didn’t need it. I felt beautiful and safe in your presence, and I loved that I didn’t feel the need to be so fussy over my attire. I had never been more attracted to anyone in my entire life, yet I felt more comfortable and at ease than I believed attainable.

We met later in the evening, and had decided to go to the same restaurant where we had our first date. This time we sat at the bar, and the atmosphere felt totally different. The bartender was very pleasant, she took our order, and your food happened to arrive first. I told you to go ahead and eat, and you said you would wait for me. I knew you were starving, so I insisted that you eat, and you agreed. Before you began, you asked me if you could just eat the way you normally would if I weren’t around. Perplexed, and intrigued, I told you to go right ahead…I loved that you seemed worried about what I thought of your eating habits (even telling me you may not talk to me for five minutes, Ha!), and I was excited to see how you really ate..especially with you being such a big and muscular man. Immediately I knew I had made the right choice because I loved watching you eat. You had no hesitations and were so passionate about your food. That spoke more about you than you were perhaps aware. My dinner came, but I almost didn’t care because of the enjoyment provided from observing you devour yours. After, I had coffee and you paid the bill. I had convinced you to go on a walk with me, and with the night falling upon us we needed to get moving.

We pulled into the parking lot of my favorite trail. I had spent many an afternoon running and hiking this trail, and I was thrilled to share it with you. Strangely enough, I had not a single reservation about being on a long path with you at night, and I now understand why. …My soul already knew yours… We walked into the night, talking and laughing and forgetting time and the world existed. After about three quarters of a mile, we came to a little deck with a bench, where you could look over at the trees and the stream, and see all the stars that were brightly shining that night. It was a sight to behold. I felt like a little girl, so excited I was sharing this special place with you, and so enamored by the idea of kissing you or being held by you. The stars in my eyes may have been brighter than those in the sky.

As we looked into the night, and talked about silly nothings, laughing as if we had know one another our whole lives…I wondered when the moment would come…I remember realizing how much you already meant to me, and wanting so badly to be closer to you. A moment of silence came, and we both looked to the sky, in different directions. You suddenly exclaimed you had seen a shooting star, and I turned to look, asking if you made a wish. You told me you had, and I insisted you tell me what it was. “But if I tell you it won’t come true.”, you said. ” How do you know that?”, I responded, knowing somehow you had wished for the same thing I was thinking…. After a few seconds of you thinking about it, you told me you had wished for us to kiss, but you were standing so far away. “Well you have to come closer.”, I coyly told you. “How do I know you won’t turn me down again?” you asked, and I told you that you’d just have to find out. I guess it was worth the risk, because you walked up to me, and leaned down to passionately kiss me, with such a fire, that what lasted for only seconds seemed like hours. I was taken aback, and your hunger almost knocked the air out of me, in the best way. A few moments passed, heat filling the air, and I moved away from you to sit on the railing of the deck, with my legs hanging off…beckoning you with my body language to follow. You did, and I shyly informed you that it was a little aggressive, our first kiss. After some time, you moved in again, yet this time met my lips with the sweetest fervor, not too passionate, but slow and soft and gentle. My insides began to quiver, this time I saw the shooting stars…every notion I had about you being someone special was given validation in that moment, with that kiss. I was completely moonstruck and breathless; my body felt things I didn’t know you could feel, in places I didn’t know felt pleasure. It was the most beautiful silence, and I loved falling into you. After we took a second to breathe, we just wrapped our arms around each other in the warmest embrace, for so long it felt like time stood still. I asked you how you knew to kiss me like that the second time, and you made me burst out laughing with, “I just needed to reassess the situation.” I was quickly discovering your effortless ability to bring me endless amounts of joy, and that night, I knew I would keep you. 

We began to walk back down the trail. You made a joke about seeing some sort of ghost in the night, and since I’m afraid of everything, I became nervous and insisted on holding your hand the whole walk back, as you cunningly planned, of course. I walked very close to you, grasping you arm and breathing in your smell…feeling very calm and content in just the closeness of our proximity.

I replayed our kiss in my mind over and over and over again, and still do from time to time. You have all the hold in the world over me, but in a way that isn’t confining or threatening. You are simply the one whom my soul loves completely, and I knew that…long before that magical night of our first kiss.

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I Found Shelter In You

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We sat in front of a fountain, the excitement in the air was so thick you could taste it. You talked of music and artists while I held onto your every sentence, taking in as much of you as I could get. I pondered our different tastes…but you kept me mesmerized and wanting more. Your crystal blue eyes, so deep I could swim in them, and your perfect yet genuine smile…so alluring, I held onto your words like a life jacket, needing them to stay afloat and not drown in your intoxicating intensity. With the sun slowly disappearing into the night, it was the perfect moment for a stroll, and I wanted to go to a local restaurant a few blocks away, so we were off.

As we walked and you entertained me, as if on cue, the sky suddenly began to cry…pouring on us with such immediate force we had to run for cover. I remember laughing like a child, as we found an awning to huddle under, wondering what we were to do next. We looked to each other and decided together to run from one to the next, in search of greater shelter. I hadn’t known you long, but in these moments I found myself so comfortable and filled with adventure…in a situation that would normally prove exasperating. Instead it was exhilarating and liberating, and I found you more and more attractive by the second. Running from awning to awning, up a hill in the downpour, we noticed a car garage and swiftly resolved to stop there to collect ourselves. We sprinted and made it to the garage, wringing our clothes and attempting to tame our wet hair. Abruptly, our eyes met, and I swear volts of electricity shot through us. I pictured you storming toward me and grabbing me for the most passionate kiss of my life…but we merely stared for what seemed like hours, until we broke contact and continued to dry off what we could. Words were barely spoken. I was so stirred by you and the moment I felt like it wasn’t real. How could a man I barely knew affect me and awaken me at such a stimulating and steamy pace, with such innocence? You had my attention completely, with no intention of losing it.

As lightning is a brilliant yet fleeting phenomenon, so was our moment, and we decided to stick to our plan of visiting the restaurant, since it was closer than our cars. I used my phone’s GPS, and we headed back out into the rain. My phone kept malfunctioning from the raindrops, and was leading us in circles. I could feel the frustration building, so I caught the attention of a gentleman walking and asked where the restaurant was. He pointed us in the right direction, and since we were very close, we continued on. Finally we made it and rushed inside, out of the weather, dripping everywhere and hoping to be welcomed. We were, graciously, though you were so shy and worried about our appearance. I told you it didn’t matter, and that we shouldn’t care what people think. We sat at a table drinking water while I ordered a small salad. The entire restaurant was staring at us, and to this day I believe it was due to our chemistry and not just our sopping clothes. Our conversation was small, but on the inside I was doing cartwheels after our rainy escapade. I finished my salad and you grabbed the bill, and as we got ready to leave, a waitress asked what had happened to us. I told her how we were caught unexpectedly in the rain…and then I saw someone I knew who, overhearing the exchange, kindly offered to loan us an umbrella for our inevitable, and dreaded-until-that-very-moment, return walk. It was the owner’s, and we promised to bring it back.

Emerging back into the night, you opened the umbrella for us, and handed it to me to carry, then astonishingly, you wrapped your arm around my waist. I walked as perfectly as I could, not wanting to be freed from your grasp. I felt so warm and safe, even being drenched to the bone, but your arms were and still are so protective. I remember thinking that it was the most romantic and unsurpassable date I’d ever experienced, and jokingly wondered if I was living in a movie. I still wonder that sometimes…you’re so amazing…and you take my breath away daily.

And for the record, I’ll never return that umbrella. ©

Birds Were Made To Fly, I To Love

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If my life consists of doing nothing but all I can to make you happy,

I will be the most joyful

If I could spend every minute of every day

Pleasing you,

Honoring you,

Cherishing you,

Spoiling you,

You’d not find a single moment filled with anything other than pure delight

And you’d never long for more

I want to make it my life mission to do these things for you

Every waking moment I can

I want to live for you and your happiness

The smile in your beautiful eyes is more than enough for me to never need anything in return

Other than your love

For that I would do everything to keep […]

Until the day that I stop breathing

And I wait for you on the other side ©

I Surrender To You

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You walked into my life, and I’m forever changed

Enchanted by your sacred eyes,

Trembling from your tender touch,

How do you speak comfort to my deepest fears,

Without saying a word?

You give me everything I’d ever want

Melting away my reservations,

Like an ice cube in mid July

I feel as though I can stand before you,

Completely naked and unafraid;

Knowing you’ll protect and cherish my love

The intimacy we share is unmatched,

A blazing fire that could never burn out

And you hold the keys

To all of me […]

I pray you’ll always keep them near your heart ©

No Matter Where You Are

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When you hold my hand you hold my heart

I hope that you’ll always handle it with care

Somehow I believe you will

There’s something in the look you give me […]

When your lips say nothing

That tells me you’ll always cherish it

Sometimes I close my eyes when I look at you

Because I know they say everything I’m feeling

And it’s almost too much to handle […]

Saying goodbye hurts my heart

But I keep you with me always

So that even when we’re apart

I can feel your arms around me

And that brings me nothing but smiles ©

I See You Everywhere

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In my morning coffee

I can almost taste your kisses

On my drive to work

You’re in every song on the radio

Every smile that meets my lips

Has you written all over it

When I steal a moment to myself

All I think about is being in your arms

You are everywhere it seems

And I realized that even though

We have to say goodbye

It’s never really goodbye […]

Because you’re always with me ©

My Life Is Yours, Take What You Need

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I am thinking of becoming a life coach. I have made it through depression, my parents’ divorce, physical and sexual and emotional abuse, my father going to jail, bulimia, anorexia, having a family fight over my sister and I, being homeless at 17, and many more things that I don’t feel like listing.

Yet I am triumphant.

I am resilient.

I have overcome the gauntlet.

I have stories from my past that would make you crawl into a corner, wanting to cry but being unable to due to the mere shock and horror. And here I stand today, with the optimism of someone who has had the world handed to them, and the determination of someone digging to China to free themselves from imprisonment. I will not be knocked down, and I will not walk away from this life without leaving every last bit of knowledge and experience and ounce of love that I possibly can. I want to help others realize that darkness is a blessing, and you only lose when you stop fighting. As long as you can still get up and throw a punch, you are nothing short of a winner. I don’t know the first thing about being a life coach, but I understand people and relationships and I find that nothing makes me happier than giving someone advice; no matter the subject. If you are reading this, I humbly ask that you send prayer or positive vibes for me to discover the knowledge to be successful in this endeavor. I ask this because I believe we are all very connected, and anything is possible with the willpower, determination, and positive thoughts and prayer.