As a young adult, I learned a lot about codependence and the paralyzing havoc it can wreak upon your life. I was in a few extremely codependent relationships, and I came to understand just how unhealthy and detrimental these types of relationships can be. After experiencing this side of the spectrum and learning of its negative effects, I drastically changed my behavior and became independent, distant, cold, and unwilling to attach to anyone. This new approach kept me safe from a few dangerous people, but in the long run has pushed away some that may not have ever had any bad intention towards me at heart, and maybe even should have been given a chance.
What I am learning after experiencing the two extremes, is that I am the happiest when I am somewhat dependent on others; not for my own joy, but for conversation, a laugh, intellectual banter and so forth. I realize that I cannot be completely independent and still share a warm connection with another human being. I have also started to recognize that I am, deep down, a very strong lover and it seems to bring out the most beautiful parts of me when I allow myself to love and let someone in. For the majority of my years, because of a tumultuous past, I felt it imperative to keep people at arms length one hundred percent of the time; and I am joyously accepting that if I tune into my own heart, and vibe with my soul, I will be able to recognize when it is safe to allow someone past my barriers. Love is such an important part of humanity, and it is only possible when you take the risk of losing it all. John Steinbeck wrote, “And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.” These words strike me in such a manner I almost cannot explain, because it suggests to me that I have been looking at love the wrong way for most of my life. Love is not something that is frantic, or obsessive, but comparable to a rose bush. At the first sight of a bloom, the excitement and admiration is absolutely overwhelming, and then, with proper care and attention, one rose after another will blossom until it is such a breathtaking view to behold. Of course there are thorns, and it is vital to prune properly, but love can be as beautiful and fulfilling as a full rose bush – if given the chance. I believe we are all completely deserving of that kind of love, once we have learned to love and listen to ourselves. Without being in touch with your own heart, you can never cultivate the proper soil, or foundation, for a true and undying love to exist. When you break down your walls, and allow this type of love to resonate from within yourself, it is only a matter of time before you attract the right person. ©